Who knows how long I have been awake now. My mental aches are showing. Since the new year, I have been in grief. I dare not say the reasons. I may be misunderstood in ways, unimaginable. At first, it felt like a small disaster. After a while, it grew into a world-wind of thoughts and anxieties crashing down. Perhaps, my grief is a form of revenge of the many ideas I’ve pushed away. I find that my grief is not unique; it is felt by many through their own respective reasons.
There is an ultimate insight to this collective feeling: we must learn to let it take its course. During this time, I am certain crucial things we have to think about will bubble into consciousness. We will start to think about truths, ideas, perspectives, appreciations and so on. This matters intensely to our self-understanding and development. What I’ve learn so far from my grief is that, it is a chance to return to a bigger duty: to ourselves.
What we think about during our grief would sound so absurd to so many people. This is because we are needed in a certain way. We are needed to be leaders, family members, company men, bureaucrats, a good friend and so on. Our instincts won’t allow us to let them down. But their expectations have choked off important expects of who we are. Our grief becomes an opportunity to look beyond their expectations.
Now, we should dare to investigate the big questions we normally push away which had manifested itself in past thoughts and anxieties. We start to untangle feelings and ideas. Perhaps, it’s time to look into those ideas we’ve had for so long. Our grief will allow us time to get ourselves together. Our grief can become a friend to the slow process of growth. Our grief will allow us to grow to a more complete selves. Our lesson? We shouldn’t be in such a rush to escape it.